What I Want
by crimsonmaz
Summary: RayNeela. Neela POV. Yes, sorry it's me again, I can't help myself! Enjoy!


_Author's Note: Hello, it's me again. Please don't kill me for having nothing better to do than write RayNeela fics. I'm on a long school break with nothing much to do, so I might as well make myself useful! Hehe. Thank you for reading, to all those who do. To Ash, yes I know I get my tenses mixed up heaps, thanks for calling me out on it. I guess it's in the nature of the story that the tenses are a little complicated because when I read over it again, I just can't find a way to rework it without ruining some of what I think are imporant elements in the text. It's probably just me being lazy and inept, hehe, but thanks for that bit of contructive criticism (I will try to remedy that bad habit in future!)and thank you for all your lovely reviews, as well as to all of you who review. This goes out to all the lovely readers...Enjoy!_

I wanted this. This is what I want.

I've dreamed of the day the name Gallant would be my own. And now my wish is on its way to being granted. But now I'm torn.

It was when I saw your face.

At the public announcement in the ER, my fiancee by my side, our friends all around us, with smiles of congratulations and words wishing us the greatest joy. They were all happy for me.

Except you.

You stood there, frozen, eyes downcast, hands in your pockets, looking like a dejected little boy. I looked at you and thought I understood. You were going to miss a friend.

When you looked up, I saw a storm in your eyes. But you gave me a weak smile, as if to reassure, and walked away. And I was naive enough to believe you would be okay.

Everything was as it was before, only now I was a bride-to-be. We were still roomates. Most importantly we were still the friends we always were and somehow I thought that was the way it would stay.

I was wrong.

It was that day, the one I have trouble forgetting. It wouldn't stop raining and a gloom was hanging over the city. Your mood at work was a parallel to the rage outside. I thought you were being selfish as you walked out the sliding doors early, though we were still busy. But there was no bringing you back in that state. I was angry, but I didn't know what else to do. So I let you go.

I spent the night at Michael's apartment, a slow progression of moving-in which began from the announcement of our engagement. Trying to make myself comfortable in what would soon be my home too. He was away, on a call of duty. I wanted to stay with you, at our apartment, as long as I could while there was still a chance for us to be close and mend what I knew was slowly crumbling. But I was so mad that I knew I shouldn't be in the same room, let alone the same vicinity as you. So I stayed away, waiting for the storm to die down.

But it came to me.

You were standing at the doorstep. Dripping wet, eyes cloudy, still in the scrubs and jacket you were wearing hours before as you left the hospital. I knew there was something wrong.

I let you in, my anger dispelled by your depression. And as I shut the door I felt your hands take me by the shoulders and turn me around, my back resting against the door. You stood so close to me I could feel your breath on my face. As we stared into each other's eyes I saw a spark in yours I hadn't seen before. The intimacy of the moment didn't escape me.

And in a rush I felt your lips on mine, one hand combed through my hair, the other gripping my waist. It was wrong, but somehow I couldn't deny you. I couldn't even begin to struggle. I let you. The taste of your tongue on mine was the forbidden desire that I had only ever imagined.

Your cold hand on my bare skin brought me back into reality. I broke away from your embrace and saw the pain reflected in your eyes. But I also saw the hope. I knew you felt it. I was no longer lost to you.

And you left me, but not before letting me know. With three simple words, and the soft touch of your lips on mine as you walked out the door, you made me second guess myself.

Neela Gallant.

I wanted this. This is what I want.

But you might have changed my mind.


End file.
